Spills, New Bible, Background Music and Change. March 24, 2011

(Water just spilled all over my floor, in the area I keep all my journals, bibles, and missions info…I should start keeping water away from that stuff.)

First blog since around November I do believe. Time Flies. Quick update:

• Parents moving to North Carolina (Yes, I plan on staying in Memphis)
• Went to Guatemala for a week
• And finally made an A on a French test

Thinking about the last five months and there was so much time wasted. I wish I took every moment captive and made it matter. So much idle time not used to it’s full potential. It’s wasted on conversations that aren’t edifying, just not intentional, and plain dumb, silly thoughts that aren’t from above, and other earthly time wasters. Ephesians 5:1 tells me “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children.” Did you catch that? Imitators. The verb imitate means to mimic or copy. I’m not so sure that by wasting idle time that I’m doing either one of those things.  Christ didn’t waste time. He wasn’t wasting time when He intentionally invested in the lives of 12 men. Or when you know he created the world or died on a cross for us. Now those are very big things that I can not do, but I can actively participate by God’s amazing grace in making my life a reflection of Him. And part of that reflection I believe can start by not having idly wasted time. But instead I can live life “making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.” (Ephesians 5:16)

I talked about nothing in the tagline of this blog except spills. I do have a new pocket sized Bible it’s lovely. However, I kinda miss my old pink one. Pandora is giving me background music it reminds me of this one time in Queens when I was cooking dinner while listening to the train, the rain and Chris Tomlin. And as for change it’s hard sometimes. Even when it’s just little changes such as letting go of something you got used to, but I’m reminded that I’m not supposed to be complacent in this world living without change, but instead surrendered to whatever the Lord has in store for me next and that almost always involves change.

Psalm 27 December 1, 2010

Psalm 27: 14 ” Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.”

The last couple of mornings the Lord has really pressed on my heart to read Psalm 27, it has even been brought up in random conversations, and I’ve thought okay Lord I get it. Go read it, but what exactly do you want me to get out of this? Well this morning I remembered that this summer (at G2) on our first week of camps I had a conversation with one of the women from the mission team about Psalm 27 and what it means to her, so I went back to my old journal and looked up what I had written about the conversation:

Yesterday I had the opportunity to talk to Mrs. Teny about her and Mr. Jack’s life and it was so encouraging. She said to me “No matter your past and present, the easiest thing you can do every morning is wake up and trust the Lord.” My response “Um, that’s a whole lot easier said than done.” I said that to a woman who has stood by a man for 20 years while he had two heart surgeries and a kidney transplant. Those were the things she said were easier said than done. She laughed and said “True, love and trust…and Hannah this story I’m about to tell you is no compliment on myself, but one day Jack was driving our daughter home and they were talking about love and jack pulled up to the house and pointed to the light coming from our bedroom window and looked at her and said, ‘That’s love. She didnt’ sign up for this. A husband with a failing heart and a new kidney. She could leave, but she hasn’t. She doesn’t know what tomorrow brings, but she trusts the Lord. Look for that kind of love.’ Hannah, that’s love when you say for richer or poorer in sickness and health. That’s love. Can’t you see Christ in that? Because He says those vows to us and He doesn’t leave you. I know there are times I would have left me, Hannah, but He doesn’t!! He doesn’t Hannah…that’s love that’s trust.”

After that I only heard a few words she said because I was too busy thinking how in the world am I ever going to be that kind of woman of God? How often I fail. To have that kind of faith that Mr. Jack and Mrs. Teny have. Mr. Jack is joyfully waiting till the doctors say it’s okay for him to go back to Nepal. What faithfulness! To know that things are hard for them physically and monetarily. Lord you are so faithful. Mrs. Teny said that she and Jack really felt that the Lord was telling them to read psalm 27 before he left for Nepal before his heart transplant, and when they got to the verse about seeing the Lord in the land of the living that’s what they focused on, but what they realized later is that it had nothing at all to do with them and so much more to do with the goodness of God. Psalm 27:13& 14 “¹³I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living! ¹⁴⁾ Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage;wait for the LORD!“

Isn’t that what life is supposed to be all about? The goodness of God.

 

And that’s where I’ll stop.

 

quitet room, pandora, and 1 Corinthians October 8, 2010

I love Friday’s for a couple of reasons

1. No class

2. I get some time alone in the morning to spend some time with my Savior, listen to Pandora while picking up my room, and rest.

3.  Free Food Friday (used to be known as Noonday) at the BCM

1 Corinthians 16 “13 Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. 14 Do everything in love.”

I read this in New York , on the J train on a Saturday. I’ve also read this other times, but today I’m going to once again talk about Jesus and New York. Sorry, but this blog isn’t called HPsgreatNYadventure for no reason. My dependency on Christ grew a lot in New York. I started to realize it while I was there, but even more so now that I’m home and I’m back in my comfort zone. Don’t you hate those words comfort zone. You know you grow up and all your life you hear  “whatever makes you comfortable.” No! That’s not how it’s supposed to be. Because when I’m comfortable I stop growing in Christ. What I do is go through the motions. I know the right things to say, I know the right way to live, I know the right way to look. That’s not what I want. That’s not what Christ wants. I want Him, and I want Him to work through me. I’m so tired of being complacent, I’m so tired of sitting. I think that’s what I miss most about New York, I wasn’t comfortable. I had to rely on Christ, and that is what I need to be doing right now here in Memphis. We can not do anything in our own strength. It is Christ who is our strength. And isn’t it nice to know that He understands. In Hebrews 4:14-16 it says we should hold firm, because we have a God who understands He was tempted with sin just as I am. Only deference He overcame it and still died on a cross because I can’t overcome it without Him. What a merciful God I serve!

Our God is good. Share that with someone today. Do it. I dare you.

Both a little scared neiter one prepared… July 31, 2010

(Nope my blog has nothing to do with Beauty and Beast that’s just the song I currently hear coming off of Amy Weaver’s computer. In case you are wondering I am currently sleeping over at Amy and Rachel’s so that I can spend time with them and also use Rachel’s computer, because my was unfortunetly stolen.)

On to the real blog…

I’m just going to be real with you. (whom ever you are who may be reading this.) I love New York City with a passion. Really I do. My heart grows happy every night as I pass the skyline or when someone asks me directions, because this means I look like a real New Yorker which means my life goal number 3 has been met. But New York doesn’t have it all together, not that any city or any person ever will, but it’s broken. I’ve seen things I’ve never seen before and I live in Memphis. That’s saying something. And I’m not talking about crazy outfits or people dancing on the subway, although I have seen those things…I’m talking about homeless 13 year olds down in the lower east side, or the older woman on the 6 train some mornings who you can tell slept on there all night, or the two guys who get on the J train every morning and have bellies bigger than a woman pregnant with triplets because of malnutrition,  and men who like to chase women and throw them up against cars. Those aren’t things I was used to, and they aren’t things I know how to ignore. I’m reminded of how once Jesus looked out over Jerusalem and wept, a little different of a situation, and not that I weep every time I look out over New York, but my heart brakes a little more for it each.

Anywho Camps are going great at G2 so much encoragement. The kids in fine arts are super adorable, and bible story this week actually went well! Yay! The kids really enjoy the story of  Moses. Christian (one of my favorites) asked me if I could tell the story over and over again. Even though I love my fine arts kids, it was fun this week to spend time with G.S.A.L.T. to hear their ideas for what they want to do in their community was so sweet. They really do have servants hearts, and to hear the maturity in some them was so exciting! Our God is an awesome God, it’s amazing to see what he’s doing in the hearts of them!

I’ll be in Memphis soon, pray for me that its an easy transition back, I’m going to miss this place!

5 weeks July 11, 2010

Mark 11:24 “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”

It’s been a crazy month and 1  week and a little more than a half  (not that I’m counting). I really only have four weeks left, and they are going to fly by (I have mixed emotions about this of course). I’ve learned so much since being here. You may not be able to tell right off the bat, or maybe I don’t share it publicly as often as I should, but I have learned so much. My eyes have been opened to people, reality, adulthood, and myself in a way that could have never happened if I stayed in Memphis.

I got on a plane June 1st knowing that God had called me to New York City, and also having full knowledge that I knew absolutely no one in a city of 14 million people. For some reason those two things didn’t scare me that much on my plane ride to New York, but it terrified me for the first 2 weeks of being here. I’ve never really been a lonely person, I’ve always had lots of friends and family, but I’ve experienced loneliness for the first time in my life. It’s not fun. It sucks. It’s not that I don’t have great kids to talk to at G2 or even great staff members to get to know, it’s that when I got on my train ride home I was alone, when I got to the house I’m living in I was alone, when I walked to the grocery store I was alone, you get the picture.  Being alone is scary to me for a couple of reasons, but mostly because I have to see what I’m really about it.  Being alone made me have to make decisions for myself and deal with conflict , which may not seem like a big deal to you, but if you are close to me…you know full well that dealing with conflict and making decisions on my own is not my strongest quality in life.  I depend on other people to tell me what to do, when I came to NYC the Lord stripped me of the people in my life that I relied on to make my decisions. I remember one day in my Tuesday (super early by the way) meetings with the  woman who disciples me, she said “I think you are going to have to deal with a lot of conflict this summer, I think it’s going to be good for you” (or something like that). I remember one day I was in the BCM conference room with my BCM director having a unnessesaraliy long conversation about why I was having problems making my own decisions and I vaguely remember him saying “I think this summer is going to be good for you, you aren’t going to be around everyone you depend on all the time.”  I remember one day after church I was talking to my friend’s husband and he said “This summer is going to be good for you, you won’t have that many distractions and you’re gonna have to become an adult, I think it’s going to be good for you. ” Just so you know it’s a rarity when the people I go to say the same thing, often they all have different opinions (which I’m sure the Lord intends so that I have to depend on Him), but anyways the one thing they all kept saying was “this summer is going to be good for you.” Slowly and sometimes with hesitation I am realizing it. I’m seeing life and Christ in a different way than I ever have before, and that is a good thing.

Hebrews 12, Central Park, Brooklyn Bridge and Mott Haven June 21, 2010

Hebrews 12: 7-11 “Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? 8 If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes disciline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. 9 Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirtis and live! 10 Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God dsisciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. 11 No discipline seems pleasent at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”

It’s hard to be dependent on God. It’s hard to remember that He is jealous for our attention, even if your life is filled up with things that are good. It’s even hard to remember  Christ wants time alone with you when you are alone, your computer breaks and you can no longer skype with your friends or watch a netflix movie while falling asleep, and  it’s even hard to remember when you live in a house where no one talks. Maybe it’s not even that you don’t remember it’s that you simply choose to not remember. Dependency is hard. Hard, Hard, Hard!!!  Alone time is a great time to grow in closeness to Christ. If you aren’t making time, I’m sure He will. It may not be drastic, but it could be. He is God, and He deserves my attention. My full attention.

New York is a big place with lots of people. It’s pretty, gorgeous, and fun to get lost in, but it can be big and over whelming. Espically the subway systems they are so hard to figure out, and they like to shut down without giving you fair notice, and the mta employess don’t like to help you when you are lost, and don’t know where to go even though they shut down your J train that takes you home. I’ve decided they just don’t like sweet girls from Memphis.  Back to things that are pretty and gorgeous Central park for starters. It’s wonderful, and in case you are a normal new yorker and can’t find any quiet Central park west is full of it. It is the quitest place in the whole city. I found it on my 2 hour bike ride with Rachel and Amy. I also got to walk the Brooklyn Bridge the other day after work, it was great! I don’t know if I can explain it, walking the Brooklyn Bridge by yourself at sunset is something everyone should do at least once. So go do it  then once you’re done come see me and the kids at G2!! Speaking of G2. I love these kids, they grow on you. Mott Haven is hard to explain. Mott Haven is where G2 (Graffiti 2) is located and it’s a rough part of town. One day cops by the grocery store asked me if I had called them because I looked like I was lost, when I explained I worked here they said Oh I wouldn’t have guessed that. I lauged. Maybe by the end of these 7 weeks left I’ll look like I belong, because I do belong here (at least for the next 7 weeks).

Okay bye!

psalms 31, 10 weeks, and G2 June 7, 2010

Psalm 31: 14-24

14 But I trust in you, O Lord; I say “You are my God.” 15 My times are in your hands; deliver me from my enemies and from those who pursue me. 16 Let your face shine on your servant; save me in your unfailing love. 17 Let me not be put to shame, O Lord for I have cried out to you;but let the wicked be put to shame and lie silent in the grave. 18 Let their lying lips be silenced for with pride and contempt they speak arrogantly against the righteous. 19 How great is your goodness, which is stored up for those who fear you, which you bestow in the sight of men on those who take refuge in you. 20 In the shelter of your presence you hide them from  the intrigues of men; in your dwelling you keep them safe from accusing tongues. 21 Praise be to the Lord, for he showed his wonderful love to me when I was in a besieged city. 22 In my alarm I said, “I am cut off from your sight!” Yet your heard my cry for mercy when I called you for help. 23 Love the Lord, all his saints! The Lord preserves the faithful, but the proud he pays back in full. 24 Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord.

I’ve been in NYC for almost a complete week and I have yet to even come close to understanding it’s inner workings. (in fact I’m not sure that will ever happen) The kids at Graffiti 2 are great, I’m loving getting to know them! The staff is also wonderful! Based on first staff meeting we are going to have a crazy busy summer ahead of us. I hope I can keep up. I don’t know what the Lord has in store for me this summer, but He has my day’s in His hands and He has plan. And I will take hope in Him because of that. I pray that my foundation is in him, because no one else can lay it. That’s a lesson I am quickly learning while in this big city. Goodnight.